If you are given to fear, anger worry, jealousy, greed, or any other inharmonious state of mind, and expect perfect physical health, you are expecting the impossible, because you are continuously sowing the seeds of a disease in your mind. —James Allen
My feathers are ruffled through the shuffle of life—plight and traveling away from what isn’t right. Not once but twice God has shed the same light in order for me to learn my lesson—to lessen future pain but still gain against the grain.
The transition from teenager to adult was not an easy transition for myself, like many of you. There were an abundant amount of mistakes, failures and ignorant moments thrown in my direction; was unsure on how to maneuver through life. In order to maneuver through—the way I envisioned myself moving, I came to the realization that I had to let a lot of shit go, to be quiet frank. My seeds held potential to be fertile but internal weakness deteriorated the growth. My growth had been stunted due to the ailment that revolved in my mind.
To a degree, I thought letting certain people go would solve the problem, but it didn’t, reoccurrence was flawless. The ego trended down to zero and that’s when I noticed the bigger picture—within a new frame —hanging on a wall with new decor.
Pain, envy, jealousy, greed, entitlement: I needed to rid the aforementioned so that I could obtain maximum results. However, the problem was and still is not the actual pain, envy, greed, etc. It’s more so figuring out why do these type of sufferings occur within me? Well, I my internal labor had begun.
My first step was acknowledging that I was suffering. Once I grabbed the attention of the suffering, I questioned its existence. Do not ask for it to go away, for in times where we want something terminated, we should and must be inquisitive to its arrival. Following the first two steps, I made a plan to practice better habits that will lead me out of the suffering. Being practical, I’m aware that pain will not be dismissed from the class of life; that’s just how life works. However, pain and suffering decreases in negativity once you grow your understanding of its existence. Ignorance will lead you down a dark hole and the only way to dig yourself out, is through understanding and practice.
Suffering of the mind can take a toll on our bodies, whether we realize it or not. The more we reap of the suffering, the more damage we do to our mind and body, sowing detrimental habits. Not to mention, suffering can derail us from our paths. Then again, if you’re like me, you enjoy pain and suffering because you tap into a different creative zone that wouldn’t occur out of happiness; bittersweet happenings and also a bit off-key resulting. As told by Pema Chodron, suffering is the result of three mind-barring happenings: the expectation of changes being predictable and easily managed, assuming that our identities aren’t interchangeable and searching for happiness in wrong areas; likely external searching.
I refuse to be receptive of suffering—refuting its shipment of a boxed reality. No longer boxing actuality without understanding and the earnest concern for solutions. The more I suffer, the tougher I stand, but I wish not to sit with ignorance in moments that should be blissful. Instead, I was resentful to a reality I could help change, with the help of strengthening my internal being—being internally grateful for the things to which I can bring change. The feeling of not being in control of my emotions and not understanding them, mentally enslaved me. I was captured and held without bond. I bonded with my way of thinking, my feelings and actions in order to come to a conclusion. Sometimes you have to let some things go, but the better question is, how do I let some things go?