I think about how I much rather be free than here
But I do not resent the calamities which have arrived
Or the disasters that may occur
For perhaps in these unpleasant instances–
Something which I do not like may be my salvation —
And perhaps in something that I may prefer, will be my doom
There’s a blessing behind this all
One that a wise man such as myself will not ignore
For I have been given the opportunity to attain the reward for patience
I think about it often — the times where adulthood kicks my ass and slams the door in my face. Mentally — reverting back feels like the easiest way out of inadequate circumstances. Sadly, that door doesn’t open up and adulthood remains a permanent facet that will last through the rest of years on earth. Despite despair that creeps up on me from time to time, buoyancy must localize my personal agenda. A lot of conversations are held between God and myself. At one point in time, looking up into the sky to test his awareness and presence became a thing . The challenges and pains of life seemed unreasonable. Questioning the happenings occured often. By chance, those unfortunate situations saved me. Beneath the harm of my depression, lack of direction, anxiety, social issues, etc, I became prone to further harm. During a stage of larva, my cocoon knitted itself tight — unaware that I was protected. Thank you.
I thank God for everything, good or bad. Both pros and cons are flower seeds to which I provide water for. There’s growth in the grand scheme of things. Vigorously noticing beauty in the struggle can muster up fostered thoughts — now able to take the bad as a game of one on one. Do you let your opponent defeat you or do you seek to earn feat? I don’t want to abominate my life’s outcome. Instead, I want to come out and appreciate what’s thrown my way.
Life brings roller coasters to our amusment parks. Similar to Joey Supreme and Dom Kennedy, it’s best to be patient. The bus rides after school may have turned into traffic after work, but let’s stop and enjoy the ride. My situation cannot compare to one of Joey’s. Even though the mind can shape its own four walls of a cell.
It’s strange how someone will utter words that directly hit me at the perfect timeframe. “It’s not a loss if you get a lesson out of it.” Correct she stands. Years prior, I’d often say, “man I have to stop taking so many ‘L’s.” My thinking of a “loss” is different nowadays. First off, if I did anything outside of my comfort zone, that’s a win in itself. I naturally grow from leaving my stoop. Second of all, there’s a lesson within these losses that cannot be taken away. More has been taught to me from a loss than any win.
Rewarded we shall be for waiting. Through patience, the trophy finds its proper placement. That’s not to say that if you relax and just wait for the right moment to fall in your lap, that’ll happen. Forcing or rushing a process will derail the progress — likely causing a blessing to not blossom. When you’re patient, the process is trusted.
Deserving. I felt I was on numerous occasions. Rather than sit and sulk about what didn’t happen, thinking about what I could do next became my frame of mind — disengaging the ugly picture that distracted me from moving forward.
Dom’s letter from Joey Supreme is a letter I could wisely keep in the center of my car’s dashboard. To ask why?” before “why not?” — to a higher power shows dishonor. The reward will find home grounds in due time.